He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
