new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
