# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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