So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hello my rib-scented angel!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
