i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
