I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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