sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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