Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
