new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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