WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
