If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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