My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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