Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
