at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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