Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Can you bring me the toilet please
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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