a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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