so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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