We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
