She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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