kristin has been a bad kristin
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
