**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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