he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is Oprah even human
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
