I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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