so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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