We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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