Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
