When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
