So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
