He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize