I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
