Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
