I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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