Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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