i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize