He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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