i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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