i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
