In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
