Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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