yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
