the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My pussy is not your playground.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
