You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize