Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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