so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
