these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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