Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
