I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
