i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
