So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
