Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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