and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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