Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
