God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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