Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
