after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
