I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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