dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
