How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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