so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
