There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
