so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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