Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize