Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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