i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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