had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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