I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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