I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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