My sheets look like a crime scene.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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