You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
