the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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