Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
