all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
