You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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