So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
