Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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