I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm too high and old for this...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
