i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he's single and there are thong briefs.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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