I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
