It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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