I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
