Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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