the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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