M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
