she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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