I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I need a beard to bite.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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