for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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