Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Two words: nipple clamps
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