Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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