alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
