I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
