my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
