gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize