I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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