i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize