i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Randomize
