If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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