he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
