i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
