Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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