Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
