having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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