I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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