quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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