just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
