Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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