how can u be prego again
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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