I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
