I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
